Read the latest of Late night jokes with the famous comedians of the Late Night Show with Jimmy Fallon, Conan O’Brien, David Letterman, Craig Ferguson, Jimmy Kimmel and Seth Meyers.
The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon – Late Night Political Joke
Now that the midterm elections are over, President Obama has invited congressional leaders from both parties to a meeting at the White House tomorrow. When asked if he’s nervous, Obama said, “Oh, I’m not going to be there. I just invited them over. They can figure it out themselves. “
After Michael Jordan recently criticized President Obama’s golf game, Obama responded by saying that Jordan should spend more time thinking about his basketball team, the Charlotte Hornets. Then Jordan said, “Do you really want to talk about whose team got crushed this week?”
On Tuesday, Utah Candidate Mia Love became the first black Republican woman elected to Congress. She’s also a Mormon. Yeah, a black female Republican Mormon. Even unicorns are saying, “Not buyin’ it.”
There’s a rumor that the Today Show is going to hire Kate Middleton’s younger sister, Pippa, as a news correspondent. It goes to show you that if you work hard and go to journalism school, you’ll lose your dream job to a woman whose sister married a prince.
The Late Late Show with Conan O’Brien – Late Night Political Joke
For the first time in years, Burger King has beaten McDonald’s in sales. They attribute it to their new offering: chicken fries. That’s why today McDonald’s is offering burger shakes.
Bob Dylan’s grandson is going to release a rap album next year. The album is titled, “Yo, Yo, Yo, I’m Bob Dylan’s Grandson.”
Late Show with David Letterman – Late Night Political Joke
What a day. It’s 53 and gloomy — like President Obama.
I was backstage, we hadn’t even started the show, and I heard Fox News officially declare that it’s too close to call this a show.
How about that election night? Here’s the breakdown. The Republicans won the popular vote. The Democrats won the unpopular vote.
President Obama has two years left as president. I wouldn’t be surprised if he gets to appoint two new Kardashian husbands.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson – Late Night Political Joke
Netflix is making a series based on the Lemony Snicket books. I was in a Lemony Snicket movie they made back in 2004. I was a person of indeterminate gender. I can’t remember who I played in the movie but I was a person of indeterminate gender.
That was the last movie I made before I came here to do this show. We talk-show hosts are middle-aged white guys and we make fun of people. I don’t know why. It’s just a tradition.
Miley Cyrus is apparently dating Arnold Schwarzenegger’s son. When Arnold heard about this, he said, “My son? You mean the one with Maria or the one with the maid?”
Jimmy Kimmel Live – Late Night Political Joke
Welcome to Hollywood. This is where it all happens. If you want to see where the stars live. Or if you want to see where the movies get made. Or if you want to see a panhandler dressed as Spider-Man asking for cigarettes, this is the place to be.
Discovery, formally the Discovery Channel — they changed it to make it more confusing — has a special on December 7 called “Eaten Alive” that will feature a man being eaten alive by an anaconda. So, if you were disappointed by the fact that Nik Wallenda didn’t fall off that tightrope, this is your show.
“Eaten Alive” is causing controversy. Animal rights activists say it’s cruel to the snake to feed a person to it and then yank the person out of its stomach. The right thing to do is to let the snake digest the guy.
I’ll bet “Eaten Alive” gets big ratings. If it does, I’m going to feed my sidekick Guillermo to a hippo.
Late Night With Seth Meyers – Late Night Political Joke
The drummer for rock band AC/DC has been charged with attempting to have two people killed by hit men. Authorities say the drummer would’ve done it himself but his last hit was over 20 years ago.
A new study shows that despite previous estimates there are only 2 million rats living in New York City. I guess the other 10 million are commuting from New Jersey.
It’s been announced that a Union soldier who fought at the Battle of Gettysburg in the Civil War will be awarded the Medal of Honor by President Obama over 151 years after his death. Even better, he finally got an appointment at the VA hospital.