Late Night Jokes 4 November 2014
by John | 28th April, 2017
Read the latest of Late night jokes with the famous comedians of the Late Night Show with Jimmy Fallon, Conan O’Brien, Jimmy Kimmel and Seth Meyers.
The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon – Late Night Political Joke
Today is the midterm elections. The Washington Post is predicting that there’s a 98 percent chance of the Republicans taking the Senate and The New York Times says there’s a 75 percent chance. And CNN said, “Wait, that’s today?”
President Obama spent Election Day away from any press coverage, attending closed-door meetings inside the White House. But on the bright side, it is nice to see some doors actually closed at the White House. It’s a whole new Secret Service security thing.
During a speech on Sunday, President Obama said to the crowd, “We’ve got to vote. Vote. Vote. Vote. Vote. Vote.” This went on for an hour until someone finally fixed his teleprompter.
Democrats have been doing everything they can to get young people and college students to vote in the midterms. Though if you want students to participate in something, maybe you shouldn’t call them midterms.
The Late Late Show with Conan O’Brien – Late Night Political Joke
Kim Kardashian tweeted that she is supporting President Obama in the midterm elections. I think it worked because all of the polls are predicting that after tonight Barack Obama will still be president of the United States.
In the midterm elections, a 102-year-old woman voted for the first time in a U.S. election. Unfortunately, she voted for Woodrow Wilson.
Utah could elect its first black Republican woman to Congress. In other words, Utah finally got one black person and the first thing they want to do is send her to Washington.
In Montana, a math teacher is running for the Senate. Win or lose, she plans on demanding a recount because math is fun.
Jimmy Kimmel Live – Late Night Political Joke
Today isn’t just Election Day. It’s National Candy Day today. I don’t know. Didn’t we just have National Candy Day — Halloween? That’s National Candy Day. Today should be National Candy Nobody Wanted to Eat But It’s the Only Thing Left in the Trick-or-Treat Bag Day.
Tomorrow is National Healthy Eating Day. But tomorrow is also National Doughnut Day, which seems like bad planning.
And then Thursday is National Nachos Day. Poor National Healthy Eating Day. It’s totally outgunned.
I have my own tradition. On the night of National Healthy Eating Day, I leave a plate of kale out for Michelle Obama.
Late Night With Seth Meyers – Late Night Political Joke
Oprah’s list of favorite things came out today and includes her book, titled “What I Know for Sure.” Chapter 1: “You Will Buy Anything I Tell You To.”
Godzilla turned 60 yesterday. In the next movie, Godzilla will battle his newest enemy — bone density.
Next Monday “Sesame Street” will turn 45. “And yet still no ring,” said Bert to Ernie.