Late Night Jokes 31 October 2014
by John | 28th June, 2017
Read the latest of Late night jokes with the famous comedians of the Late Night Show with Jimmy Fallon, David Letterman, Craig Ferguson, and Jimmy Kimmel.
The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon – Late Night Political Joke
Happy Halloween. It seems like people are going all out with their costumes this year. In fact, last night the Cleveland Cavaliers went as the Knicks.
The Cavaliers lost their season opener against the Knicks in LeBron James’ first game back in Cleveland. LeBron felt a little slow and awkward out there. Then he looked down and realized that former Miami teammate Dwayne Wade was still hanging onto him.
Health officials in countries affected by Ebola are encouraging people to stop shaking hands, and instead give an “Ebola handshake,” which is when you bump elbows with someone. That would be a great idea if they hadn’t spent the past five years telling us to sneeze into our elbows.
Attorney General Eric Holder said the only person who could play him in a movie is Denzel Washington. Do you know who I think should play Holder? Oprah’s boyfriend, Stedman.
Late Show with David Letterman – Late Night Political Joke
Years ago I gave up the typical passing out of treats on Halloween because I thought it’s bad for the kids to get them all gooned up on candy. So for the last few years I put out a complimentary salad bar.
This year for Halloween, my wife and I are going as the Clooneys. And Rene Zellweger is going as Rene Zellweger.
Who doesn’t want to let strangers into their house during an Ebola epidemic?
Sunday is the New York City Marathon. Good luck to everybody who will be participating. Hillary Clinton, by the way, has not yet deciding whether she’ll be running.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson – Late Night Political Joke
We have a very spooky audience for Halloween. I feel like I’ve seen them before.
I like Halloween because it’s the one day of the year I hear “Boo” and it’s not someone reacting to my monologue.
I was thinking of going as Honey Boo Boo, but my costume got canceled.
I saw a kid dressed in bones. I said, “You a skeleton?” He said, “No, I’m a CBS viewer.” Then I saw a kid dressed as an old woman. I said, “You a grandma?” He said, “No, I’m Bruce Jenner.”
Jimmy Kimmel Live – Late Night Political Joke
A little boy dressed like a pumpkin said “Trick or treat” at 8 a.m. What are you supposed to do — make him an omelet?
Is trick or treating early in the morning a new thing? Now the early bird gets the gummy worm, too?
If you came to my house at 8 in the morning, I would turn a hose on you.
Daylight saving time ends this weekend. Don’t forget to change the clocks in your house on Sunday, and the one in your car sometime in the next six to eight weeks.