Late Night Jokes 31 July 2014
by John | 28th April, 2017
Read the latest late night jokes from the greatest comedian cracking on political humor, Jimmy Fallon, David Letteman, Craig Ferguson, Jimmy Kimmel and Seth Meyers. Listen to Jimmy Talking about summer camp in North Korea, House of Representative to sue President Obama. Listen to David and Kimmel and Seth heating up on the Congress and Craig talking on Justin Bieber’s fight with Orlando Bloom.
The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
North Korea has opened a summer camp where kids from around the world can swim, play volleyball, and learn about the country’s culture. It’s the first camp in history where kids tell ghost stories to feel safer.
I read that PETA is now saying they’ll pay off people’s water bills if they agree to go vegan for 30 days. Or in other words, you can get PETA to pay off your water bill if you can lie for 30 days.
Yesterday the House of Representatives voted to sue President Obama for abusing his executive powers. Experts are calling this a meaningless political stunt that’s a huge waste of taxpayer money, while Congress is saying, “Yep. That’s what we do.”
The House voted 225-201 to sue President Obama. That’s the bad news. The good news is that Congress actually passed something.
Late Show with David Letterman
Congress is now getting ready to take a month off. From what?
Members of Congress need to recharge their batteries for another year of gridlock.
Sometimes you wonder about these guys in Congress. Are they there at all?
A new study says that Republicans are more religious than Democrats. But I don’t think that includes President Obama praying every day for his term to end.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
We’re getting more news about the Orlando Bloom-Justin Bieber fight. Apparently the fight was witnessed by Paris Hilton, P. Diddy, and Lindsay Lohan. I’m confused. Did this fight take place in Spain or in 2003?
Today in Las Vegas is the start of the annual “Star Trek” convention. I go every year. I walk up to everyone dressed in a full “Star Trek” costume and say, “May the force be with you.”
A woman in Oklahoma called police to complain about the quality of her meth. I’m thinking: How bad could the meth be if it made her high enough to call the cops and complain about it?
A Massachusetts man was arrested for illegally keeping over 400 birds in his home. He tried to keep it a secret, but he couldn’t keep the birds from tweeting about it.
Jimmy Kimmel Live
Congress is about to head off on their August recess, which seems appropriate. Adults go on vacation, children go on recess.
Congress will take the whole month of August off. From what, exactly, I don’t know.
A new study found that most Internet-connected home gadgets and appliances are vulnerable to hackers. It’s only a matter of time before your blender steals your credit card number.
Right now, available only in San Francisco, is an app where you can get marijuana delivered right to your door. Whoever pairs this with a pizza delivery app probably will get the Nobel Prize.
Late Night With Seth Meyers
Today marks the last day before Congress takes its summer recess. They’re taking five weeks off. Five weeks. I hope they can get used to doing nothing.
Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg told reporters that despite her age she does not plan on retiring and is likely to remain on the court for a while — after which she was immediately traded to the New York Knicks.
A Chinese farmer lost 170 of his prized pigs when lightning struck his barn while he was feeding them. Though on the bright side — instant bacon.
A woman in New Mexico pulled a gun on a Comcast technician because she didn’t want to pay her cable bill. Wow! That woman doesn’t need HBO. She IS HBO.