Late Night Jokes 30 July 2014
by John | 28th April, 2017
The Tonight Show bringing the funniest from Jimmy Fallon, David Letterman, Jimmy Kimmel, Seth Meyers,
The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon – Late Night Political Joke
Actor Orlando Bloom threw a punch at Justin Bieber last night during an argument at a night club in Spain. Orlando’s hand was pretty sore today, you know, from all the high-fives he got.
Bieber and Bloom got into a fight. Luckily, a stranger broke it up. He said, “Girls, girls, stop it . . . I mean gentlemen.”
In New Jersey a woman dressed like a clown walked away with minor injuries after she crashed her car into a utility pole. Unfortunately, the other 300 people in the car weren’t so lucky.
A new study found that having a sense of purpose can actually help you live longer — While having a sense of porpoise can help you swim longer.
Late Show with David Letterman – Late Night Political Joke
At Times Square they now have people dressed up as superheroes. Over the weekend Spider-Man beat up a cop and was thrown in prison. Today he was in court with his lawyer — Shyster-Man.
On TV tonight is the movie “Sharknado 2.” I didn’t see the first “Sharknado.” I’m worried I won’t be able to understand “Sharknado 2.”
What happens in “Sharknado 2” is a storm breaks out and there’s a tremendous downpour of sharks. And it’s embarrassing because The Weather Channel predicted only a light sprinkling of trout.
Martha Stewart has a drone. Are we comfortable with an ex-con owning a drone?
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson – Late Night Political Joke
Everyone’s reeling from the big fight between two Hollywood tough guys: Orlando Bloom and Justin Bieber. They engaged in fisticuffs today in Spain. Who won the fight? I think WE did, America.
Orlando approached Justin and started throwing punches. It was brutal. Mascara was flying everywhere. There were no broken bones. But sadly, a few broken nails.
Every great fight needs a great name. What should we call this one? The commotion near the ocean. The girly taunt in the restaurant. The effeminate fray in the café. The not-a-scratch-on-ya in España.
It’s Arnold Schwarzenegger’s birthday. Arnold celebrated quietly at home with his friends and his families.
Jimmy Kimmel Live – Late Night Political Joke
Yesterday there was a water main break right next to UCLA. Water was shooting out of the ground for four hours before it was turned off. They say 20 million gallons of water flooded the campus. I didn’t even know L.A. had that much water.
In Washington the House passed a bill today to go forward with a lawsuit against President Obama. Who says Congress can’t get anything done? They’re suing the president.
That lawsuit against the president is ridiculous — unless they do the trial on “Judge Judy.” Then I’m all for it.
Late Night With Seth Meyers – Late Night Political Joke
According to new estimates, Beyoncé and Jay-Z will make $84 million from their world tour. Which is good because 84 million is an easy number to divide by 2.
Cleveland Browns wide receiver Josh Gordon claimed he failed his most recent drug test because he ingested secondhand marijuana smoke. Said Gordon, “That’s right, I smoked some with one hand, and then I smoked some with my second hand.”
According to French officials, the gardens at the Louvre have become overrun with rats. Officials later apologized and promised to refer to us as Americans in the future.
Wikipedia is now accepting donations using the online currency Bitcoin. So now you can support information you’re not sure is true with currency you’re not sure is money.
Late Show with Stephen Colbert– Late Night Political Joke
“I have always been a huge fan of Sarah Palin. She’s a strong leader with a proven history of selflessness. I mean, in the midst of her 2008 campaign, she took the time to help out a struggling senior with severely impaired judgment.”