Late Night Jokes 3 November 2014
by John | 26th April, 2017
Read the latest of Late night jokes with the famous comedians of the Late Night Show with Jimmy Fallon, Conan O’Brien, David Letterman, Craig Ferguson, Jimmy Kimmel and Seth Meyers.
The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon – Late Night Political Joke
Mary Keitany from Kenya won the women’s race at the New York City Marathon. You can tell she was fast because guys on the street didn’t even have time to finish their catcalls.
Mary was fast. Experts say it’s one of the most impressive races they’ve seen a woman run. Then Hillary said, “Stay tuned.”
Politicians are really getting desperate. In fact, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid sent out a final fundraising email to Democrats with the subject line, “I’m begging.” Because what better way to show you’re a strong leader than acting like you’re drunk and dialing your ex?
Last night daredevil Nik Wallenda successfully completed a tightrope walk of 500 feet between two Chicago skyscrapers. And then he took part in an even more dangerous stunt — walking through Chicago on the ground.
The Late Late Show with Conan O’Brien – Late Night Political Joke
Yesterday was the New York City Marathon. The marathon was won in record time by a Democrat candidate running away from President Obama.
Tomorrow is Election Day. That’s the day we Americans wake up, consider our options, and then remember we didn’t register to vote.
Daredevil Nik Wallenda broke a record when he walked blindfolded between two Chicago skyscrapers. Wallenda said he didn’t do it to set a record. He did it because that’s the safest way these days to walk through Chicago.
Christian Bale has dropped out of the upcoming Steve Jobs biopic. He was going to play Steve Jobs. He explained that he doesn’t want to be typecast as a guy who wears all black and has a lot of gadgets.
Late Show with David Letterman – Late Night Political Joke
Yesterday was the New York City Marathon. Republicans won in a landslide.
The marathon in the men’s division was won by a Kenyan. Meanwhile, in Kenya, a pie-eating competition was won by an American.
Anybody last night watch that Wallenda guy? He first went across Niagara Falls, then across the Grand Canyon, and last night he walked between two Chicago skyscrapers. He got his start in this line of work as a White House fence jumper.
Tomorrow is Election Day. It’s what they call the midterm elections, and you can cut the indifference with a knife. It’s the day Americans leave work early and pretend to vote.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson – Late Night Political Joke
In Afghanistan researchers have found something called the “fanged vampire deer.” It is an animal that hasn’t been seen for 50 years. To be fair, if I lived in Afghanistan I would be keeping a low profile too.
The fanged vampire deer looks like what you’d get if Dracula hooked up with Bambi.
Apparently Tom Cruise is dating Lindsay Lohan. I think this is just a rumor started by the only people who desperately want it to be true — late-night talk-show hosts. We pray to the comedy gods for something like this.
Tom and Lindsay are dating. I can’t believe this happens just as I’m about to get out of the late-night game. I might have to do another show. Just when I thought I was out, they keep pulling me back in.
Jimmy Kimmel Live – Late Night Political Joke
Last night daredevil Nik Wallenda walked blindfolded between two Chicago skyscrapers. The Discovery Channel used a 10-second delay so producers would have time to cut away if anything went wrong — thereby depriving viewers of the reason they were tuning in.
Here’s what I was thinking about today. If Nik Wallenda had mailed in an absentee election ballot and fell to his death last night, would his vote tomorrow still count?
Did you know more Americans will go to Starbucks tomorrow than will go to the polls to vote? I made that up, but it sounds kind of true, doesn’t it?
Starbucks had a disappointing quarter revenue-wise. They might want to reconsider their business model of selling one mini-muffin to an unemployed writer who then sits there for 10 hours working on his screenplay without buying anything else.
Late Night With Seth Meyers – Late Night Political Joke
Tomorrow is the midterm elections. It’s very important, so don’t forget to head down to your local polling place and cancel out your dad’s vote.
Don’t ever let anyone tell you your vote doesn’t count. You can cancel out your dad’s vote.
The New York Marathon was held yesterday. The winning time was two hours, 10 minutes, and 55 seconds. Even more amazing, that is exactly how long it took my cab to get from 14th Street to 19th Street.
Members of the Danish National Chamber Orchestra released a video of themselves performing while eating the world’s hottest chili peppers. In response, the Red Hot Chili Peppers released a video of themselves eating a Danish.