Late Night Jokes 29 October 2014
by John | 28th June, 2017
Read the latest of Late night jokes with the famous comedians of the Late Night Show with Jimmy Fallon, Conan O’Brien, David Letterman, Craig Ferguson, Jimmy Kimmel and Seth Meyers.
The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon – Late Night Political Joke
The man in charge of investigating the 2012 Secret Service prostitution scandal has quit after he himself was caught with a prostitute — which explains why President Obama just appointed an irony czar.
David Nieland, the man investigating the Secret Service prostitution scandal, was caught with a prostitute. I don’t know what’s more surprising — that they caught him with a prostitute, or that the Secret Service actually caught someone.
Next month Joe Biden is scheduled to make stops in Turkey, Ukraine, and Morocco to discuss foreign policy issues — while his advisers are learning how to say “We’re sorry” in all three languages.
The Late Late Show with Conan O’Brien – Late Night Political Joke
The investigator who led the probe in the Secret Service prostitution scandal was caught with a prostitute. When cops found them together, he said, “Hey, I’m investigating here.”
Former baseball slugger Jose Canseco accidentally shot himself in the hand. In a related story, he figured out a way to make baseball a little more exciting.
Sources are saying Russia may have hacked into the White House Internet system. The problem was discovered this morning when suddenly Obama’s screen saver was a shirtless Vladimir Putin.
Late Show with David Letterman – Late Night Political Joke
Welcome to “The Late Show,” ladies and gentlemen, where the only thing contagious is laughter.
I try to be level-headed when you have a problem like the Ebola outbreak. A couple of years ago there was what they call a pandemic. I called my doctor and I asked him what to do in the case of a pandemic. He said to make sure you sterilize your pan.
I want to settle everybody down. Let me put this in perspective for you. Your chances of catching Ebola are the same as the Jets chances of making the play-offs.
The White House computers were hacked. They stole all of Michelle Obama’s secret kale recipes.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson – Late Night Political Joke
Today is the day I wait for. It’s National Cat Day. It’s the one day of the year we can ignore the fact that if cats were any bigger, they would kill us all.
A candidate for governor in Arkansas has revealed he used to be a male stripper. The stripper-turned-candidate is encouraging everyone to head to the polls next Tuesday. And also to go out and vote.
A man in a President Obama mask robbed a store recently. Police describe him as “armed and incapable of reforming immigration.”
After the Obama mask robbery, someone in a Hillary Clinton mask came in and promised to clean up the mess he left behind.
Jimmy Kimmel Live – Late Night Political Joke
Google is working on a pill that will detect cancer and other diseases in the human body. It contains tiny magnetic particles that would travel through your bloodstream to search for malignant cells. We spent years searching Google, and now they are going to search us.
A pill like this would give Google access to very sensitive personal information, but Google says they have no intention of using that information for commercial purposes — and that promise is good enough for me.
People are taking selfies with bears and then using them as their profile pictures on dating apps. The forest service would like people to stop doing this. I don’t know. I say if people want to take selfies with bears, let them do it. It’s called natural selection.
And it’s a win-win, because either you get to post a picture showing everyone how brave you are, or the bear gets to post a picture showing what it had for lunch.
Late Night With Seth Meyers – Late Night Political Joke
Today is National Cat Day. Of course, to cats every day is National Cat Day. They don’t need a day to act like they have to be celebrated.
For National Cat Day, be sure to give your cat a big hug and then get yourself a box of Band-Aids.
The government in Cuba is encouraging citizens to have more children because the country has the lowest number of newborns in Latin America. And nothing gets you in the mood like a direct order from Fidel Castro.
A new study found that avid drinkers of milk have a 16 percent increased risk of cardiovascular disease, while avid drinkers of almond milk have a 100 percent chance of being white. That’s just science.