Late Night Jokes 19 August 2014
by John | 26th April, 2017
Late Night Jokes is back with Jimmy Fallon, Conan O’Brien and David Letterman with the political humor. Jimmy Fallon and Conan O’Brien is back on with Hillary Clinton and David Letterman is bringing you the latest from Johnny football.
The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon – Late Night Political Joke
Hillary Clinton is returning to Iowa next month for the first time since her failed presidential run in 2008. Hillary denies just being there for politics. She said, “I love Iowa for their . . . OK, I’m running for president.”
Missouri Governor Jay Nixon apparently sent the National Guard to Ferguson without letting the White House know first. When he heard he was left out of such an important decision, Obama said, “Holy crap, I’ve been Bidened!”
Yesterday the Clippers’ new owner, former Microsoft executive Steve Ballmer, promised fans that the team will win an NBA championship. He says he has a great strategy for rebuilding the team — Control-Alt-Delete.
Yankee Stadium says it will start adding metal detectors as a way to beef up security. And then they went back to selling beer and baseball bats to New Yorkers.
Conan O’Brien – Late Night Political Joke
Analysts say that President Obama has been ignoring Hillary Clinton’s advice for years — which is why we’ve yet to see him in a pantsuit.
In response to criticism of its treatment of killer whales, SeaWorld said it will build them a larger habitat. When asked for comment, a killer whale said, “Hey, you know what’s a larger habitat? The ocean!”
In South America a tribe of Amazon Indians has made contact with the outside world for the first time. The tribe was shocked by skyscrapers, cars, and that “Grey’s Anatomy” is still on the air.
Off the coast of Russia, a 200-year-old bottle of booze was found in a shipwreck and it is still drinkable. Isn’t that amazing? Of course in Russia everything is still drinkable — antifreeze, you name it.
Late Show with David Letterman – Late Night Political Joke
How about Johnny Football? Anybody see Johnny Manziel for the Browns? I got nothing against the kid but I saw him play last night. I think they ought to change his name to “Johnny Bench.”
Toward the end of the game, Johnny Manziel gave Washington the finger. Coincidentally, that’s Barack Obama’s exit strategy from Washington.
Anthony Weiner is opening a restaurant. Honest to God, how many of you — other than losing a bet, how many of you would go to have a meal at Anthony Weiner’s restaurant?
“Meet the Press” has fired host David Gregory and hired another guy, Chuck Todd, to host. To me, if your name is Chuck Todd, it might as well be David Gregory. Todd Chuck, Gregory David, it makes no difference. They’re all interchangeable.