Late Night Jokes 12 November 2014
by John | 28th June, 2017
Read the latest of Late night jokes with the famous comedians of the Late Night Show with Jimmy Fallon, Conan O’Brien, David Letterman, Jimmy Kimmel and Seth Meyers.
The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon – Late Night Political Joke
The heroic New York doctor who caught Ebola has been declared Ebola free. President Obama called the doctor to thank him for his selflessness and compassion. Then to be safe, Obama threw his phone in a trash can and lit it on fire.
RadioShack just announced that it will open most of its stores at 8 a.m. on Thanksgiving day. Of course experts say those stores would do better if they opened even earlier — like 1983.
RadioShack says it’s staying open to accommodate their target demo: people who forgot to bring an iPhone charger to their parents’ house.
Randy Jackson announced that after 13 seasons, he will not be returning to “American Idol.” He said he wanted to go out when the show was on top, but then decided to wait another seven years.
The Late Late Show with Conan O’Brien – Late Night Political Joke
People in China criticized President Obama for chewing gum while entering the economic summit in Beijing. They’re saying he looked like a rapper. Then again, to be fair, in China I look like a rapper.
At the economic summit in China, Vladimir Putin is being accused of flirting with the first lady of China. Then again, Putin does have a history of not respecting boundaries.
Yesterday the scientist Neil deGrasse Tyson fact-checked “Interstellar.” Because if there’s one movie I expect to be believable, it’s the one where Matthew McConaughey plays an astrophysicist.
In Beaumont, California, two people have lined up over two weeks early at Best Buy for Black Friday. The two people said they’re hoping to get a great deal on a life.
Late Show with David Letterman – Late Night Political Joke
Yesterday a couple of guys busted into a store here in the neighborhood and stole $2 million worth of money and watches. The police described them as armed and punctual.
Stocks are at an all-time high today. I don’t have any money in the stock market. I don’t have the stomach for the ups and downs. So about 20 years ago I put all of my money and liquid assets into videotape rewind machines.
Once you’re president, you can’t go anywhere without causing trouble. President Obama shows up in China, he’s chewing gum, they go crazy. A big stink because the president’s chewing gum. And you think, the Chinese are so easygoing about human rights. What’s the problem?
Child labor, not a problem. Censorship, not a problem. Torture, not a problem. Chewing gum in China — oh, my God! You better not be over here chewing gum.
Jimmy Kimmel Live – Late Night Political Joke
The European Space Agency landed a probe on a comet 317 million miles from Earth. When you get discouraged by how much attention people pay to Kim Kardashian’s buttocks, remember that there are also people out there that know how to land a spacecraft on a moving comet 317 million miles away. They’re out there.
Sharon Osbourne announced that “The Osbournes” is coming back to TV. Sharon said Ozzy looked back on his life and he wished he could have done the show when he was clean and sober. Well, maybe he does, but we don’t. We want a funny show.
Nobody wants to see Ozzy Osbourne on a treadmill eating yogurt.
Late Night With Seth Meyers – Late Night Political Joke
According to a new report, Detroit, Michigan, is the most dangerous city in the country with Oakland, California, coming in second. And the third most dangerous was somehow Detroit again.
Kobe Bryant last night missed his 13,418th shot, breaking the record for most shots missed in an NBA career. Said his teammates, “I’m open!”