Late Night Jokes 11 November 2014
by John | 26th April, 2017
Read the latest of Late night jokes with the famous comedians of the Late Night Show with Jimmy Fallon, Conan O’Brien, David Letterman, Craig Ferguson, Jimmy Kimmel and Seth Meyers.
The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon – Late Night Political Joke
President Obama is in China now for an economic summit in Beijing. The president wore a traditional purple silk shirt along with Chinese President Xi Jinping and Vladimir Putin. That’s after they taught Putin how to put a shirt ON.
After President Obama announced his support for net neutrality yesterday, Texas Senator Ted Cruz tweeted that “Net neutrality is Obamacare for the Internet.” While Ted Cruz continues to be the Taylor Swift of not getting over Obamacare.
The restaurant chain Joe’s Crab Shack is under fire after its location in Colorado Springs accidentally served alcohol to a bunch of young children. Which explains why the karaoke bar had so many sign-ups for songs from “Frozen.”
Yesterday, LeBron James apologized to fans for not dunking enough this season. LeBron says he’s trying as hard as he can, but at the end of the day he’s just one team.
The Late Late Show with Conan O’Brien – Late Night Political Joke
Welcome to our special “Sons of Anarchy” show. I’m a huge fan. When I was a young man, I ran with a gang of redheaded punks. We were called the Ginger Snaps. Our biggest enemy was sunlight.
“Sons of Anarchy” is the No. 1 show in its time slot. They were No. 2 but then they had the No. 1 show executed in an abandoned warehouse.
Critics love “Sons of Anarchy.” Critics have called the show “Hamlet on motorcycles,” which is better than the original concept — “Macbeth on Segways.”
“Sons of Anarchy” takes place in a fictional California town filled with degenerates and endless mayhem. They had to choose between making it a fictional town in California or any real town in Florida.
Late Show with David Letterman – Late Night Political Joke
Today is Veterans Day. Thank you to all our men and women who have served the United States armed forces. In honor of Veterans Day we are marching out a few jokes that have already served.
Here in New York City you can now walk around smoking weed and all they will do if they see you is write you a ticket. Unfortunately, the ticket will be to a Jets game.
You’ve got to be careful smoking weed. It causes memory loss. And also, it causes memory loss.
President Obama is in China. Also in China is evil Russian dictator Vladimir Putin. They’re both in China at the same time. It’s like running into your ex-girlfriend on vacation.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson – Late Night Political Joke
It is Veterans Day, when we honor everyone who served in all of the campaigns. We honor them with dignity and respect, and of course mattress sales and tire discounts.
It’s cold in a lot of the country. How cold is it? It’s a cold-pocalypse. A snow-mageddon. An ice-a-palooza. It’s so cold the Chicago Bears went into hibernation.
Happy birthday to Leonardo DiCaprio. He turns 40 today. It’s time for a Titanic prostate exam.
It’s also Demi Moore’s birthday. Leonardo DiCaprio and Demi Moore are very different, of course. One was in love with Bruce Willis for many years. And the other is Demi Moore.
Jimmy Kimmel Live – Late Night Political Joke
Today is Veterans Day. It’s a day we honor those who serve and have served in our armed forces. So thank you for your service to our country and the sacrifices that you made. I’m talking about actual veterans. Playing “Call of Duty” does not count. I don’t care how many missions you’ve completed.
Sesame Street turned 45 years old. If you are not familiar with it, Sesame Street is how we entertained our children before we could just hand them an iPhone.
Things have changed on Sesame Street since 1969 when it first went on. The street itself is totally gentrified. It’s all Muppet hipsters now. And Oscar’s garbage can is a fair-trade coffee shop. Mr. Hooper’s store is a Lululemon. Cookie Monster is gluten free.
The long wait is finally over. The McRib is back at McDonald’s. The McRib is the Punxsutawney Phil of sandwiches. It comes out of its hole for a little while and then it disappears. And it’s actually made out of groundhogs, right?
Late Night With Seth Meyers – Late Night Political Joke
A Veterans Day concert was held tonight at the National Mall in Washington, D.C., featuring Bruce Springsteen, Rihanna, and Carrie Underwood. So if you’re a fan of Bruce Springsteen, Rihanna, and Carrie Underwood . . . who are you?
The Mormon church said this week that their founder Joseph Smith may have had between 30 and 40 wives. And just to be safe, he started every conversation with, “Happy anniversary!”
A man in Florida has been sentenced to six months in prison for stockpiling weapons at a compound just 11 miles from Disney World. Eleven miles from Disney World? So . . . in the parking lot?