Late Night Jokes 10 September 2014
by John | 28th June, 2017
Read the latest of the late night jokes with the greatest comedians Jimmy Fallon, Conan O’Brien, David Letterman, Craig Furguson, Jimmy Kimmel and Seth Meyers from the late night show.
The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon – Late Night Political Joke
Yesterday New York Governor Andrew Cuomo won the Democratic primary after a close race against an opponent named Zephyr Teachout. I know what you’re thinking: Is Zypher Teachout a man or a woman? And the answer is . . . probably.
Mike Tyson was in Canada yesterday and actually met up with Toronto Mayor Rob Ford. Of course, it got weird when someone yelled, “Loved you in ‘The Hangover!’” and they both said, “Thanks!”
Joe Biden will be in Baltimore this weekend to celebrate the 200th anniversary of “The Star-Spangled Banner.” Yeah, 200 years — or, roughly how long it takes today’s pop singers to finish the national anthem.
There were no injuries this week when a truck in San Diego overturned and spilled thousands of oranges on a highway. But it did mark the first time in 20 years people in California were yelling, “Look out! OJ is on the highway.”
Conan O’Brien – Late Night Political Joke
Tonight President Obama will make a prime-time speech about how we’re going to deal with violent extremists and their sickening behavior. And when he’s done talking about the NFL, he’ll talk about ISIS.
The NFL is, of course, coming under a lot of fire. Today it came out that law enforcement sent a copy of the Ray Rice video to NFL headquarters back in April. Then the NFL commissioner apologized, saying the video got buried in the stack of other illegal things NFL players are doing.
Microsoft plans on renaming its smartphone. So far their first choice is the “Microsoft iPhone.”
The New York Times had to issue a correction after an article referred to Dick Cheney as president of the United States. The Times apologized to Dick Cheney and changed his title to “former president of the United States.”
Late Show with David Letterman – Late Night Political Joke
New York City is now selling something like 10 prime parking spots. Each parking spot will cost you a million dollars. In a related story, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell will pay you a million dollars for the spot he’s in.
Earlier tonight President Obama spoke to Americans. Obama is getting tough with ISIS. He’s now going to force them to sell their NBA team.
Here is Obama’s 3-part plan. First, we’re going to gather intelligence. Next, we’re going to launch air strikes. And third, his plan is to lose the midterm elections. So he’s got a full plate ahead of him.
Did you get the new iPhone yet? The iPhone that I have is outdated. It has two pieces and a hand crank.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson – Late Night Political Joke
Justin Bieber was booed by an audience at a fashion event in New York. He’s being rejected by people who used to love him. Now he knows how that monkey he left in Germany feels.
Two 90-year-old lesbians were married today in Iowa. That was tonight’s installment of “Things I never guessed would happen in Iowa.”
Pictures of the happy lesbian couple haven’t been made public. But if you see 90-year-old lesbians in Iowa, odds are it’s them.
At yesterday’s big Apple event, music guests U2 gave away their new album for free. I suppose that means they are working “pro Bono.”
Jimmy Kimmel Live – Late Night Political Joke
President Obama was on TV tonight. He gave a prime-time address to detail his plan to stop ISIS. And also to give his pick for tomorrow night’s game between the Ravens and the Steelers.
The president reassured Americans that while we face no immediate threat from ISIS, we’ve got a ton of bombs sitting around so we’re going to use them.
Guess who we may be partnering with to fight ISIS. None other than Iran. Iran used to be our enemy back, like, last week, but now we may be upgrading our relationship to frenemy.
It’s never good news when the president addresses the nation in prime time. He never comes out and says, “Great job, everybody. I’m throwing y’all a pizza party.”
Late Night With Seth Meyers – Late Night Political Joke
Today The New York Times had to issue a correction after it mistakenly referred to Dick Cheney as a former president. Of course, George W. Bush made that same mistake all the time.
A federal investigation has found the Department of Homeland Security is “ill-prepared” for a potential disease pandemic. I’m not sure I agree. They did a great job of wiping out Bieber Fever.
Yesterday Mike Tyson traveled to Toronto and met with Mayor Rob Ford. It was a meeting between one of the most dangerous heavyweights ever and Mike Tyson.
Mike Tyson and Rob Ford had a meeting. If you’d like to see a transcript of their conversation, just have your cat walk back and forth on your keyboard.