Late Night Jokes 10 December 2014
by John | 28th April, 2017
Read the latest of Late night jokes with the famous comedians of the Late Night Show with Jimmy Fallon, Conan O’Brien, David Letterman, Jimmy Kimmel and Seth Meyers.
The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon – Late Night Political Joke
Time magazine has named “Ebola Fighters” the 2014 Person of the Year. The Ebola fighters said they were honored to be chosen and look forward to the ceremony. Then Time said, “Oh no, we’ll just mail them to you.”
Facebook revealed that Ebola was the most popular Facebook topic in the U.S. this year, with the World Cup coming in sixth. So welcome to America, where even Ebola is more popular than soccer.
President Obama was talking about the new report on CIA interrogation techniques and praised our country’s ability to quote, “face our imperfections, make changes, and do better.” Which sounds less like a speech on torture and more like the comments on a kindergartner’s report card.
Jeb Bush’s brother Neil said that their mother has “come around” to the idea of Jeb running for president in 2016. Because if there’s anything that says you’re qualified to be president, it’s your own mom saying, “I guess you could do it.”
The Late Late Show with Conan O’Brien – Late Night Political Joke
Time magazine announced its person of the year. It’s health workers who treat Ebola. That’s a person of the year. Time magazine told the health workers, “No need to pick up your award, we’ll mail it to you.”
A woman on a Southwest Airlines flight gave birth to a baby. As soon as he was born, the baby said, “I had more leg room in the womb.”
Reindeer populations are falling fast, according to a study. We are three years away from Santa using Uber.
The General Mills cereal Cheerios will soon come out in new flavors like quinoa. The CEO of General Mills said the new flavor is in response to an overwhelming demand by no one, absolutely no one.
Late Show with David Letterman – Late Night Political Joke
Meryl Streep is on the program tonight. I like to throw her a little work whenever I can.
I spoke to Meryl Streep just a few minutes ago backstage. She’s such a good actress, she was actually pretending to be happy to see me.
The royal couple, Kate and William, left town. Right now the couple is at the JFK airport getting patted down by security.
The new CIA torture report is 6 million pages long. It’s almost as long as a George Clooney pre-nup.
Jimmy Kimmel Live – Late Night Political Joke
Congress goes on recess starting tomorrow night. By the way, that’s all you need to know about Congress. They get recess. A bunch of middle-aged adults get three weeks off to play kickball?
Time magazine named their person of the year today. It was not a member of Congress.
This year, the person — it’s persons, and those persons are the Ebola fighters. The people who were on the front lines, working to keep Ebola contained. I think it’s a very good choice. Congratulations, guys. I’d love to shake your hands, but you know . . .
This will be the first time an acceptance speech has included the phrase, “We couldn’t have done it without Ebola.”
Late Night With Seth Meyers – Late Night Political Joke
Time magazine has named Ebola healthcare workers as their person of the year. The Ebola workers were very excited when Time magazine gave them the news — via Skype.
Today Malala Yousafzai and Kailash Satyarthi received the Nobel Peace Prize. And they’re giving an honorable mention to whoever has to announce them.
Kim Kardashian said recently that she gained weight while she was pregnant because God was punishing her for being “so hot.” Though if God is making more Kardashians, I think WE’RE the ones being punished.