Late Night Jokes 09 September 2014
by John | 28th June, 2017
Read the latest of the late night jokes With Jimmy Fallon, Conan O’Brien, David Letterman, Craig Furguson and Jimmy Kimmel.
The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon – Late Night Political Joke
Apple announced the iPhone 6 today, which they say has a more durable screen that won’t crack or scratch as easily. Or as your kids put it, “Challenge accepted!”
Apple promised less cracking. Then Toronto Mayor Rob Ford said, “Hey, that’s my campaign slogan.”
Everyone goes through the different stages of buying a new iPhone: The first stage is “I don’t need a new phone,” followed by “Maybe I’ll just check it out in the store,” followed by “Maybe something will happen to my current phone,” followed by, “Oh no, it ‘fell’ in the toilet.”
Amazon has cut the price of its Fire smartphone to just 99 cents to compete with the new iPhone. When they heard, even Blackberry said, “At least go out with dignity, man.”
Conan O’Brien – Late Night Political Joke
Today Trump Entertainment Resorts declared Chapter 11 bankruptcy. Or as Donald Trump described Chapter 11, “back-to-back No. 1’s.”
Ray Rice is now being removed from the “Madden 15” video game. A spokesperson said violence against women doesn’t belong in “Madden 15.” It belongs in “Grand Theft Auto.”
An English-speaking man went into a coma and came out speaking only Mandarin Chinese. It’s a true story. On the bright side, now he can find work.
Late Show with David Letterman – Late Night Political Joke
The new iPhone 6 came out today. It’s the iPhone 6 because that’s how many minutes the battery will last.
At the Apple store, the people waiting in line for the iPhone 6 were trampled by the people waiting for the iPhone 7.
Jack the Ripper, the horrible serial killer in England, never was identified. Well, now they found out who he was. The case was finally solved by CSI: Ripper Unit.
As you remember, Jack the Ripper was arrested and sent to prison for stealing back his sports memorabilia.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson – Late Night Political Joke
Prince William and his bride are expecting her second baby. That’s pretty quick for Kate to have a second baby. It’s almost as if producing an heir is her job.
The royal couple had to keep Kate’s pregnancy secret from the rest of the royal family. And that’s not easy because Prince Charles is all ears.
It’s too early to speculate on names, but my money is on “Prince Northwest.”
Jimmy Kimmel Live – Late Night Political Joke
Apple introduced several highly anticipated new products, including two new iPhones: the iPhone 6 and the iPhone 6 Plus, as in plus another $100. Both of the new iPhones have a much bigger screen for us to shatter than the previous iPhone.
The most anticipated announcement is what they’re calling the Apple Watch. It comes in two sizes and has a magnetic charger. It’s just like my Pac-Man watch from 1982.
The Apple Watch can also track your movements to tell you how much you’ve exercised in a day. And then laugh at you at the end of the day.
Mike Tyson, for reasons unknown, stopped by City Hall to meet with Toronto Mayor Rob Ford. Mike Tyson and Rob Ford — what could possibly go right?