Late Night Jokes 04 September 2014
by John | 26th April, 2017
Read the latest of the late night jokes with the great comedians Jimmy Fallon, David Letterman, Jimmy Kimmel, Craig Furguson.
The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon – Late Night Political Joke
ABC announced that Rosie Perez will join Rosie O’Donnell and Whoopi Goldberg as the new co-hosts of “The View.” Which explains the show’s new sponsor: Bose noise-canceling headphones.
Yesterday John Kerry joined five previous secretaries of state at a groundbreaking ceremony for a new diplomacy museum. Sorry, I just fell asleep saying that.
While the diplomacy museum is just a pile of dirt now, pretty soon it’ll be even LESS interesting.
Police in California are looking for a thief who has stolen from the same Costco four different times. They say it could take months, or even years to find him — you know, because he’s still in the Costco.
Late Show with David Letterman – Late Night Political Joke
Rosie O’Donnell is going to be on “The View” and today they announced they hired Rosie Perez. So the show has two Rosies. That’s unprecedented in television. I was hoping for another Whoopi.
Evil hackers have figured out how to get photos that are private property and they’re selling them. It’s a felony. Naked photos of Kim Kardashian were hacked and I thought, Well, she’s naked on her driver’s license, so how big a deal is that, honestly?
What the hackers do is they collect the naked photos and then they trade them like baseball cards and there’s a lot of money. For example, you can get $10 million for a naked Honus Wagner.
Chris Christie has to brush up on foreign policy, so he went to Mexico. Remember when he was in Africa? He was followed by ivory poachers. Now he’s in Mexico, and he was taunted by a matador.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson – Late Night Political Joke
It is a sad day for us in the comedy community. We lost Joan Rivers, one of the all-time greats. It is terribly sad. I just hope that when Joan meets the man upstairs, he’s wearing something she can insult.
Football’s back. Everyone was excited for the big NFL kickoff. John Madden ate an entire side of beef and ran through a brick wall. Then he found out about the kickoff.
Surprisingly, only two teams played tonight, but the Oakland Raiders have already been eliminated from the playoffs.
Happy birthday to Los Angeles. The city was founded on this day in 1781. The land was first discovered by an old prospector who said, “There’s Botox in them thar hills. And kale.”
Jimmy Kimmel Live – Late Night Political Joke
We lost a comedy legend today. The great Joan Rivers passed away. She was 81 years old. Besides being a pioneer for women in comedy, Joan was a lucky person because she loved her job so much. She never wanted to stop. And she didn’t have to stop because she was so great at it.
Sarah Silverman is on the show. I’m especially glad that Sarah’s here tonight. For those of you who don’t know, Sarah and I dated during the whole Paris Hilton administration.
We have a very talented musical guest here tonight by the name of Hunter Hayes. He’s only 22 years old but has won four Grammy Awards. Hunter plays more than 30 musical instruments. Hunter’s parents must have spent a fortune on lessons.
The NFL season kicked off officially tonight. It’s that magical time of the year when millions of Americans transition from checking Facebook all day at work to checking their fantasy football lineups all day at work.