Late Night Jokes 03 September 2014
by John | 28th April, 2017
Read the latest of late night jokes with our greatest comedians Jimmy Fallon, Conan O’Brien, David Letterman, Craig Furguson and Jimmy Kimmel.
The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon – Late Night Political Joke
President Obama will attend a NATO summit in Wales this week with 67 other world leaders. He’s trying to project strength, so the White House says he’ll be wearing his toughest shade of tan suit.
President Obama will be at a NATO summit, where he will discuss the recent actions of Vladimir Putin, who wasn’t invited. Then Putin said, “Has that ever stop me before?”
There’s another hacking scandal. Home Depot is now investigating the hack of its customers’ credit card information. They would have targeted Home Depot employees too, but the hackers couldn’t find any.
Los Angeles is considering a new plan to boost the city’s minimum wage to $13.25 an hour. It’s getting huge support across the entire country — of Mexico.
Conan O’Brien – Late Night Political Joke
Apple plans to launch a mobile wallet to replace credit cards. That’s good because if there’s one company you want to trust with your money, it’s the company that leaked your nude photos.
A glitch in the John Madden NFL game has accidentally created a player who is 1 foot tall. Another glitch accidentally created an NFL player with no criminal record.
Five geckos sent into space as part of an experiment have all died. On the bright side, they were able to save 15 percent on their car insurance.
Amazon has announced that its chief financial officer will retire after 12 years on the job. But the moment Amazon’s chief retires he’ll recommend another CFO that Amazon might also like.
Late Show with David Letterman – Late Night Political Joke
The NFL season kicks off tomorrow night. And then Friday is the start of the Super Bowl pregame show.
A survey showed that 71 percent of Americans do not believe Washington should drop the name of their team — the Redskins. Also, most Americans believe that New York should just drop the Jets altogether.
Apple is sprucing up the iPhone. Tomorrow you can get the new iPhone 6. The iPhone 6 is a lot like President Obama’s hair. Every year it’s lighter and thinner.
President Obama is back on the job, and he’s visiting Estonia. He said he wanted to be there before Russian tanks rolled in.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson – Late Night Political Joke
Happy birthday to Charlie Sheen. He’s 49 today. He went all out today with a huge party, tons of strippers, several arrests. Then somebody told him it was his birthday.
The organizers of New York City’s St. Patrick’s Day Parade said they are going to lift the ban on gay groups marching. Now the tough part — finding gay people who like parades.
Vladimir Putin said today he hopes to have a Ukrainian peace deal by Friday. He’s reached out the olive branch. And if there’s no peace deal by Friday, Putin said, “I will crush Ukraine like bug under boot.”
Jimmy Kimmel Live – Late Night Political Joke
The drug store CVS announced that the corporation is changing itself to CVS Health, and they’re no longer selling cigarettes. The CEO estimates the company will lose about $2 billion this year because they’re not selling cigarettes. It is part of their customer health focus. But you’ll still be able to buy tons of candy in the candy aisle.
Competitors of CVS, like Walgreens and Rite-Aid, have no plans to follow suit. As much as they understand the consequences of smoking they also understand the wonderful consequences of making $2 billion a year.
If CVS really wants to demonstrate a commitment to health and wellness, get rid of the automatic doors. If you can’t push a door open you are not allowed to buy a two-liter bottle of Mountain Dew.